Sigh. This is a long blog
I feel like writing is my theorpy lately. I am SOOO emotional lately. I really need to figure out a way to get it under control. I feel like it's to a point where whenever someone comes and talks to me, they have to be cautious of what they say in fear I might break down at them. It's awful!
That's not really what i'd want to talk about though. I want to talk about a problem I have. I don't know how many women actually read this blog but I hope this blog will change the way you think about yourself.
At my church we are going through a study about Fireproofing your marriage which is a study based on the movie "Fireproof". If you haven't seen it, you need to.
Anyways, today our study was about parasites in your marriage. Which is anything that comes in between your marriage. It could be something as small as a husband watching too much t.v. and something as big as pornography and alcoholism.
When we first started talking I was like "Nah, I don't have any parasites I cause in our marriage!" But after really discussing what a parasite was, I found out that I do have a parasite. In fact this parasite is probably THE BIGGEST problem in mine and George's relationship and I have never even realized it before.
What is it?
My weight.
My self-esteem.
My self-worth.
All of these are self inflicted parasites that slowly take away from mine and my husbands intimacy and love. I am so concerned about how I FEEL that I never listen to when he tells me I'm beautiful. I don't believe him because what he thinks is beautiful, is not what is beautiful in my eyes.
Anyways, I don't want this to be a blog where I am wanting re-enforcement that I am beautiful.
THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THIS BLOG.
The purpose is, for fellow women, the majority of us compliment each other on the things we wear or the way we look right?! Well why do we do that? Personally, I compliment people on things that i'm jealous of. such as:
"I love your hair...it's so cute"
"Oh my goodness, that is such a cute shirt"
"You look so good, I would never look like that in that outfit"
First off.
This is so unhealthy. We are focusing on outward appearances instead of what really matters.
Secondly,
We are just comparing ourselves to one another
We all do it!
WHY!?
So, my challenge to all the women out there to stop complimenting each other on the things we SEE about each other on the OUTSIDE but rather things you SEE on the INSIDE.
Personally, I would take it much more to heart if someone told me "You're such a strong women." or "You have such confidence in yourself, I find that so inspiring!" rather than "Aw, you look so cute in those jeans"
Do you know what I mean?
I know i'm not the only one with this problem and I know we could all be there for each other and help us have a healthier relationship with ourself and ultimately, with our husband and God.
Please, just think about it.
On another note...
My best friend since 2nd grade had her first baby today. It's amazing how we are all growing up! Congrats to Meg and Ryan! Hopefully they'll pick out a name soon for their little boy! ( The first picture is my favorite because I caught her reaction to seeing her baby boy for the first time. )
Isn't it amazing.
It's hard to think I am having problems with my self esteem while someone else is bringing a life into this world.
A person so beautiful. Peaceful. And perfect.
Just the way they are.
: )
5 comments:
i LOVE this. thank you Becky. you are inspiring (and no, i am not just saying this because you said to in your blog...i mean it).
Oh, Becky. You are such an amazing woman. I never even thought about self-esteem that way! Thank you so much for this post!
Thanks Becky. I really needed this. I hope everything is going well for you!
Sweetie, you are so right. Brought tears to my eyes. (And I'm at work! Thanks! hehehe)
This is why it bothers me so much when people compliment a woman who is losing weight. They fuss over her every time they see her, "Oh! You look so great! Every time I see you, you look better!" And what does that mean? That I looked like shit before, just like I thought I did? And what about when I start gaining weight again and no one says a word any more. Do you think a woman doesn't notice?
You are well aware, m'dear, that I am no small matter. I was married to a man who constantly told me he wasn't attracted to me because I was too fat. And I mean he said that for nearly twenty years. Talk about a parasite in the marriage! And to reinforce his message to me, he would point out that everyone in the world agreed with him. On my first date after I left him, the man I was with said to me, "You are soooooo sexy!" I started crying. I said, "What? That can’t be true. Sexy? If I'm sexy, why didn't my husband tell me???" He said, "Because he was afraid that if you knew how beautiful you were, he'd lose you. That's the only reason I can think of."
Now, I realize this is not your situation. But it does perhaps help you understand how many little battles with self esteem I've had to win in order to feel beautiful just as I am. When I am tempted to get on the diet track and get skinny (cause you know I'd be a knockout if I did! ha) I remember that it's a road I don't want to be on. The road I want to be on is where I focus on being fit. Emotionally, spiritually, physically.
And who taught me all of this? The One who whispered in my ear that he loved me always ... just as I am.
Thanks everyone! I really hope this thought impacts you as much as it did me.
And Teri, You're post just made me cry! And I'm at work! Thanks...
Love you though! Just the way you are too.
: )
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